First of May

It was purely coincidental that I wanted to listen to this song and then realised, May is ending.
What a long,long May.
What a long..long...May...

Honestly I felt kinda relieved that May is almost ending. This month hasn't been quite pleasant with all the emotional rides and swirls. (and work too.)

One thing for sure, confessing your true feelings really makes one feel lighter.
Ever since that night, after my decision and his, every pain seemed to cease. That does not remove the scars behind. But I guess it relieved me of a certain emotional load.

Because I am one that never easily bring my feelings to mouth. Like Vonx said, I am such a words person. Even when you are with me physically, it is less emotional than how I sounded here. Thus it took me alot of courage then to hurt Jason through my confessions, through my mouth that night.

What is our status now? Honestly speaking, I also dunno. But we try to carry ourselves with less responsibilities, as if it is an attempt to protect each other from the same mistake.
I started not to ask alot from him, like asking him to buy small gifts for me, cos' I feel I don't already deserved that.
Most times we started walking without holding hands then we give in to the hands that are so used to each other.
Sometimes it felt like we were good friends or is it I am trying to build up what we've missed initially? But all in all, I enjoy this current status. And because I knew I still can't bring him anything and the answer is not here yet, maybe this is what is best for us too.

Tomorrow is another birthday whereby my wishes for that person will always be unheard. I tried making it heard once and really, it is not what I wished for in the end.
And would it be just another week more before the whole turmoil begins? What would I do?

But I guess thinking so far doesn't help and it does not mean what I would really do?

Wo hao xi huan ni.
Maybe I havent realised enough but can we stay like this longer. Let me soak in this simple happiness longer?